Today has been a difficult and trying day fir me.
I have struggled with so many things. Pain, emotions, anxiety. I felt so, so down at times.
It didn’t start out too bad. I was up early to put the bins out, and do the dishes. Basic, usual, daily tasks. Things need to be done, and honestly, these things which some may call menial, I enjoy. It’s routine. It’s necessary.
Not long after this, I did feel tired. I don’t sleep particularly well most nights, and had a doze. I forced myself up and about around 9am. I pottered. But continued to rest. As after all, it’s my day off. Work is currently difficult, with my various health issues, it’s all a bit rough on my old body.
But I digress. Things went downhill rather quickly. Anxiety took over me completely, and so I turned to prayer.
I started off quite calmly, reading my daily prayer app. Then I went off on a tangent as the anxiety was still grappling me.
I cried. A lot. I begged the Lord to help me. Yet again. I wonder sometimes if He tires of my asking for his help. He always helps me though. He gets me through everyday, as asked.
I continued to pray throughout the day. At times I begged Him to let me feel his presence. To show me he was there. I always feel guilty about that. I know He is there. I know he is there for me.
But my brain doesn’t always believe me.
So I also ask for forgiveness. I say that I trust in the Lord. I say I believe. Then I question my self. Do I really have enough faith? Am I enough? Am I worthy to recieve His help?
The calm and peace that I felt this afternoon made me believe that I am. The sign that I pleaded for, the presence of the Lord that I so desperately prayed for. That was it.
My heart felt full. I felt gladness, thankfulness. I don’t have the words to express how it felt. I know that the Lord knows how I feel in my heart and my mind.
In that moment I knew that He is ok with me asking for help. Because He always comes through. No matter whether I think I’m worth it, He makes me feel worth it. Every day.
Words for today.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
“And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.“” Exodus 33:14
Dear Lord, it’s Me again 